Memory Brushes the Same Years

How it was.

Like every writer, I've had moments where I've thought, why the hell do I do this? Where is this going? Why can't I get this memoir written? Who the hell even reads this anyway? What's my purpose?

Well, this morning something sort of amazing happened to make me realize (which I already know, but sometimes it's good to be reminded) why I write.

In April 2021, my Dad's best friend died. For context, for those who don't know, my Dad died in 1985, so this made me more emotional than I anticipated and the 36-year-gap in time was jarring and of course I wrote about this on my pre-Substack blog and included a link to my post as part of my condolence. Because, you know, I'm me and of course I did.

Well, just now, I received this, from Joe, another of my dad's good friends and former coworkers -- and the Joe I mention in the post.

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Dear Melissa, I stumbled onto Jack and Donna's obituary today on the internet and was, needless to say, so sorry to see they had passed. I did not know. I was however so moved by your commemorative essay I just wanted to commend you for such a moving, loving piece of work.

You may not remember me but I remember you, your brother, your mother and your father. I didn't have the history Jack and Ed shared but I met them both back in the late 70's at Ewing's Architectural firm in Phila. We were essentially kids working in the Plumbing Dept. together with several other young aspiring designers and engineers. Your dissertation on Jack and your Dad was spot on. They were hired together at Ewing's and as you said, "joined at the hip". Your dad was the calm one, very modest, competent but determined. Jack was also very competent but the more vocal and nervous of the two. Your mention of the "block lettering" brings back memories. In all my years in the business these two were by far truly artists. Best in the business! No one (surely not me) could compete with their drawing and lettering ability.

After I left Ewing's in 1975, after a couple years I worked again with your Dad at United Engineers. We were co-workers but also good friends. When he left United to rejoin with Jack at Kling's I felt I lost a part of me. In 1985 when I heard he passed so suddenly, in his prime, myself and everyone who knew him were crushed.

Above all, I knew him as a loving, proud, family man. He so much loved his wife and his children, a true model for any man. You, your brother and your mother came first in his life. I do often think of him and Jack and the years we spent working together with a great deal of fondness. Please extend our best wishes and thoughts to your brother and loving Mother. Once again, I know your Dad would be proud of you all and what you have become.

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Lately I've become ever more conscious that the number of people who remember my Dad, and our family as it was back then, are dwindling. I guess that's what happens as you get higher into the middle ages, and that is a big part of my grief with losing my best friend (aka sister) Cheryl a few weeks ago: the realization that there aren't many people left who were there at the beginning, as Cheryl was for 44 years, who knew me when. This note is such a gift. I'm so grateful. This is what this life is about, my friends. Reaching out. Connecting. Saying, I remember you. I remember how it was.